FCA Talk 4 Sexuality
Remember, we need guardrails around us to protect us from more serious damage. If we ignore the need for guardrails in our lives, odds are we are going to get hurt.

We have a cat that sometimes wanders down to the end of our driveway hunting early in the morning. When I see her down there, I will text my daughter to warn her to drive slower than normal and to be on the lookout for the cat. I do that 1) for the sake of the cat and really more importantly, 2) for my daughter’s protection. I know that if she ran over the cat, it would be significantly impact her. That is a guardrail of sorts – guidance for her protection. Parents put up guardrails up for a reason – they tend to know more than you do. They’ve seen all the tricks and lies. The same is true for God and the Bible.

The Bible is a love letter written to God’s elect. It is a playbook of sorts – some offensive plays (reaching out to others) and defensive plays (things for our protection) – because God knows us and knows what is best for us.

Last week we briefly discussed deer hunting and how big bucks are hard to kill until the rut begins. I read this today on Buckmaster’s website, “Bucks, especially big bucks, are mostly nocturnal; they don’t travel the heavy doe trails; they don’t move around more than they have to; and they stay close to escape routes.” Guardrails.

Today we are going to talk about sex and our need for guardrails.

Sex is beautiful and powerful inside the confines of marriage. God knew what he was doing when he created Eve for Adam. Sex feels good and is, in reality, very much an act of worship. But very, very clearly God created and intended sex to held within the sanctity of marriage.

Sex outside of marriage is outside of God’s design. He knows best. He knows that two virgins uniting together on their wedding night, both inexperienced, both made for one another is the perfect design. They’ll learn together and they’ll bring no baggage nor comparisons to their marriage bed.

Unfortunately, our culture lives, eats and breathes a far different plan for sex and most of us have been seduced by that dark plan.

We talked about this a few sessions ago but our culture is absolutely drenched and saturated in sex. You are being baited and tempted every single day to the edge of the guardrail with sex.

I remind you that Americans spend $12 billion a year, $4,000 a second on pornography. The number one user of porn are boys age 12-17. If the goal is to enter marriage having never been with another woman and to learn sex with our wives, then tell me what porn is going to do a boy? What is he being exposed to? Is it “real”? Is that how sex really is supposed to be? Are women just objects to service men and fulfill the man’s lusts?

Porn is a lie. It isn’t real and every bit of it you watch and participate in stays with you like a cancer. There is a great saying in terms of computers – “Junk in, junk out”. If you program in junk to the computer, it is going to produce junk. The same is true of porn. You are ingesting junk and it will produce junk inside you.

If you are watching porn and think, “It does not matter” – you are kidding yourself and buying the lie.

Remember the Proverbs 7 story of the young man walking down the street and turning up the street toward the married woman waiting for him to seduce him.

That seems fun at the time. Surely it felt good. But it was wrong. She was married and her husband was away. The young man got lured into a trap by pursuing what felt good and soon was in a trap.

The young man was no different than Tiger Woods or Senator John Edwards or Governor Mark Sanford – they pursued what made them feel good and reaped the destruction that followed.

These men needed a guardrail. They needed a brick wall to prevent them from going anywhere near those women.

When it comes to sex, given the culture we live in, we need guardrails and we need those guardrails to be made of the strongest steel on earth.

The Bible is very clear on the topic of sex

Here's an easy verse to remember... "Flee sexual immorality" 1 Corinthians 6:8. Notice it doesn't say "walk away" or "be careful of", it says "Flee" i.e. run, escape, do not go near.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 - "You should avoid sexual immorality. Control your body in a way that is holy and honorable not in passionate lust like the heathens."

Lastly, Matthew 5:1 - "Do not commit adultery. If you look at another woman lustfully you have committed adultery in your heart."

Sex is a huge issue in the Bible and a huge issue in our culture. In 1960, 82% of Americans between the ages of 25-34 were married. Today that number is 44%. Rather than getting married the "culture" teaches us to just live together, have lots of sex and if it doesn't work out at least you haven't wasted getting time married. That is a lie. Remember, Satan is the father of all lies.

The culture is drenched in sex and if you engage now, it will never escape you. You'll never forget these hookups but odds are you might come to really regret them. Therein lies Satan's strategy -- lure you in with "everyone's doing this, it feels good" and then as soon as you do it, he'll pound you for the rest of your life with regret and guilt.

Here are some quotes from kids in the youth ministry I shared with you at our first 5th quarter on sex. If you think there is no pain, no hurt, no hooks in sex, listen to these…

I love him and I like sex but that is not the path I’m supposed to be on with God.

Dealing with pornography is so hard. It is like trying to break out of a cement box with no tools.

I feel like the loss of my virginity was a huge mistake. I am a Christian and I got caught up in the moment. I want to redeem myself and start over.

It’s just a normal thing for someone to ask you to go out and drink/smoke/have sex on the weekends. It is hard to resist the temptation.

I struggle with the loss of my virginity. I feel horrible, angry and disappointed.

I feel all guys see in me is the physical aspect. It makes me as a person feel worthless. I feel used and insignificant.

I feel trapped in sexual sin with my boyfriend. The guilt is overwhelming and I have no idea what to do. I’ve tried to stop but don’t have the courage to tell him no.

Do you see Satan’s strategy in all of this? You go in because you love him or it feels good and as soon as you’re in….you are stuck in a cement box with no tools to get out. You feel like you’ve made a huge mistake and want to start over. You feel horrible and angry. You feel trapped.

There it is….trapped.

What are some guardrails?

1) No porn ever. Period.
Porn is, quite simply, a complete and total LIE. Satan is the "father of all lies" and he is driving the business of porn. Porn is an emotional drug more powerful and more destructive than cocaine. If you are tempted, put a filter on your computer or turn the computer off. Go outside. Go look at the clear blue sky or a night, go look at the stars. There is something about the bigness of the world that kills the smallness of porn. If tempted just walk away.

2) No sleep overs ever. Period.
Never, ever sleep over. This isn’t as much of an issue today but it will be at college. Never put yourself in a situation where you are sleeping in an apartment or dorm room with a member of the opposite sex – even if you are just friends. And don’t say, “You don’t understand our culture, this is what we do”. Nope. That doesn’t make it work.

3) Hands off/no skin.
If you are dating, no touching. Foreplay is designed as the on ramp to sex. God gave us sex and He gave us foreplay. If you think you can start the foreplay without it leading to some form of sex, you’re kidding yourself. Don’t play with fire. Don’t light the match. You’ve got your whole life to enjoy sex with your spouse, don’t start it now.

4) No "soul mates".
If you are a girl, don’t make a boy your soul mate confidante and vice versa. Your confidante should be your parents or a friend not your boyfriend. What we crave in life is intimacy not sex. Opening our heart and our inner most hopes and fears to a member of the other sex opens the door to sex.

You may think these are too extreme. If so, I have three questions for you….

1) What do you want for the person you will eventually marry? Do you want him to have been hooking up with dozens of girls in high school in college? Is your deepest dream that he’d be sexually educated and experienced? Probably not. And so if you don’t want that for your husband, why are you pursuing it?

2) What do you want for your little sister? If you think this is bunk, is all this hooking up what you are eager to see your little sister doing in a few years?

3) Let’s say you think all of this is dumb and you just keep on going. In two years you wake up and think your girlfriend is pregnant or you are totally addicted to porn – that you are in a sexual disaster because you decided to step over the guardrails and foolishly decided to pursue feeling good – what then? Where will you be then? Will you cry out to God? Will you pray, “Lord, if you let her not be pregnant, I promise I’ll never do this again?” Probably. Save yourself that future anguish but putting up the guardrails now. A pastor who has counseled hundreds of people trapped in sexual disasters told me, "I've never had one person - not one person - say to me, "You know, I am so glad I got into sex at an early age, so glad I got hooked on porn, so glad I slept around with all those guys. Never once have I heard someone rejoice in those decisions."

If you establish these guardrails, I can guarantee you that you will not regret it. These really aren’t that extreme in a culture consumed and drunk with sex. The culture is trying to rip you to shreds and tear you apart. These guardrails should be a given for you to protect you from what is on the other side.

Lastly, what if you’ve already crossed over? Is it too late?

No! You can never get your virginity back but you also never have to do any of that again until you are married. We all make mistakes – some are more costly than others. But if you are convicted that this behavior is wrong for you and you are committed to turning a corner, God will forgive you.

In turning away from this past lifestyle, you can actually become a strong witness for the Lord. You can say, “I’ve made huge mistakes – don’t go there” to the younger kids around you.

No matter how bad your sin is, God will forgive if you break and give up and give it over to Him.